One of the first feminist icons lived a long time before women’s suffrage in our country, or before our country existed for that matter. Hypatia of Alexandria was a woman who lived in the late 300’s and early 400’s AD. She ran a school, which would have been a little like an early version of a university, where she was known as a philosopher, astronomer, and mathematician. She never married. She was also a pagan, which one of the excuses used to justify her murder at the hands of a mob of Christian men.
Feminism as we know it today was not a thing back then, but you can see how modern feminists would love that story. The reality of it is actually far more complicated. The real reason for her death seems to have been a struggle for political power, not even for herself, just one that she got caught up in. She wasn’t a Christian herself, but Christians didn’t hate her. In fact, every single known student of hers was a Christian. That even includes the Christian Roman Prefect she supported in the political struggle that led to her death. And Christians all over the empire were outraged when they heard the news.
But the whole thing is a terrible and tragic situation for a number of reasons. First of all, any murder is a serious crime against God and man. On top of that, this has been used to smear the name of Christ and his church. How many people have been told that this is a story about how Christians hate freethinking women? And finally, it’s used as a part of a broad attack on men and women and any sort of beneficial relationship between them.
Sadly, in so many conversations about men and women we lose sight of Christ. But he has the answers. He has the words of eternal life. In reverence for Christ, our Savior, let us listen and learn from him. I don’t care what the world thinks. As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. And that starts in the home, with the relationship between husband and wife.
In the last part of Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, Paul is describing some specific ways that the Christian’s life is shaped by being “in Christ.” “You were dead in your trespasses and sins,” but “God made you alive in Christ Jesus.” So, “Consider carefully how you walk. Be filled with the Spirit.” And here’s three ways you’ll see it: (1) by speaking and singing with psalms and hymns, (2) by giving thanks to God for everything, and (3) by submitting to one another in reverence for Christ.
That last part is the focus of our sermon text today. And I think it’s fair to say that it’s the hardest part. That word “submit” is something we look at as kind of a bad word. “I’m my own person. I don’t submit to anybody. No one else has the right to tell me what to do!” And anyone who expects someone else to submit must be power-hungry, a tyrant who doesn’t value other human beings.
But Paul doesn’t have any trouble with the idea of submitting, and it’s not just because he lived a long time ago. Even more importantly, God doesn’t have any problem with submitting. In fact, it’s a good thing. When done properly, submitting is a good work, one that results in great blessings. It’s not a weak thing. It’s a Christian thing. It comes as a result of being filled with the Spirit. It’s something we do in reverence for Christ.
Nowhere is this greater and more important and more visible than in a Christian marriage.
Paul writes,
22Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he himself is the Savior. 24Moreover, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.
If you are married, it is very likely that you heard these words at your wedding. I know that I have read them at every wedding I have performed, without exception. But how very old-fashioned they seem to so many people today. People who hold up Hypatia as a feminist icon, a free-thinking woman who didn’t need men to tell her what to do, hate the idea of a wife submitting to her husband.
But this isn’t just an idea that’s out there in the world. It’s one that affects Christians too. We see it in a great many of the churches in our country. How many churches do you think include this in their wedding rites, that a wife should submit to her husband? I’d guess that in a lot of places these instructions that come from Paul but really from God get skipped over. And even in our churches and among our members this is something that can make us squirm. Best to avoid it, rather than start any arguments. And it’s not just women who think that. It’s the men too. Maybe even more so!
But this isn’t the old-fashioned opinion of men who hadn’t yet evolved to fit into the 21st century. This is God’s instruction to wives. That’s the same God who made men and women and who invented marriage. He knows a thing or two about how marriage is supposed to work.
Interestingly, though, Paul here does not make an appeal to creation as the basis for what he’s writing. Nor does he make an appeal to our nature as men and women. It’s not a matter of, “The man is better at being in charge.” Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. That’s irrelevant, because what matters is that marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and his church.
Wives, you should submit to your husband as if he was Jesus. He’s not. Jesus is the only perfect man who ever lived. But in his role, his vocation as husband, your husband represents Jesus. That’s true even when he doesn’t realize it. So submit to your own husband as to the Lord.
Paul also addresses husbands. Husbands are not to submit to their wives. Nor are they to abuse them. Instead, husbands, you must realize the great responsibility you have before the Lord. Paul says,
25Husbands, love your wives, in the same way as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, by cleansing her with the washing of water in connection with the Word.
Men, if your wife is to submit to you as if you were Jesus, then that’s what you need to be. You need to be like Jesus. And I don’t see Jesus ever grumbling about how needy the church is. I don’t see him ever making sarcastic remarks about her. I don’t see him treating her with wrath or frustration or exasperation. I also don’t see him giving in to everything she wants. “Happy wife, happy life” is not biblical. What is? I see Jesus leading the church, his bride, in truth and strength and patience and love. I see him sacrificing himself, giving up his life for her.
Husbands, wives, can you do this? This isn’t optional. You need to. When you fail you are smearing the name of Christ and his church, which you represent as a Christian. When you fail you are sinning against your spouse, you sinning against your own body, and you are sinning against anyone who might have otherwise seen in you a good example of a godly marriage and a picture of the perfect love between Christ and his church.
What about those of you who aren’t married? You too need to honor marriage and support and encourage those who are in it. You too need to learn from this what it means to be a godly man or a godly woman.
Of course it’s no wonder the world would look at this and say that it is unsustainable. No husband is worth submitting to. No wife is worth sacrificing everything for. Don’t submit. Don’t you dare try to practice headship. And so marriage falls apart at the seams and along with it family and every other kind of good relationship.
And when we lose sight of this picture that Paul points us to in Ephesians 5 we might easily think the same way. We might forget what marriage is supposed to be about and why God created us male and female. Unless we are filled with the Spirit, unless we cling to God’s word in reverence for Christ, we can lose sight of how in marriage God has given us a glorious picture of Christ and the church.
When Jesus taught in the synagogue many of his disciples heard him and said, “This teaching is too hard. Who can listen to it?” And they left. They had no interest in submitting to him. But what does the church, the bride of Christ say? “Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
True selfless headship love is the love that Jesus has for us, his church. It’s the love that gave his very life for us on the cross to cleanse us of our sins. In Holy Baptism we are washed with no stain or wrinkle remaining. In the Lord’s Supper Jesus binds us to himself by giving his body and blood for us to eat and drink for the forgiveness of our sins. And the church rejoices to submit to Jesus, to throw off all worldly wisdom and hear his words of eternal life, to cleave to no other but him alone.
Jesus’ love for you as part of his church is the very thing that makes you able to live out your vocation as a godly husband, a godly wife, a godly man, a godly woman. Every day is a new day to live this out in your life, forgiven of all your sins, strengthened in holiness by the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus sends to fill your heart. Whether you are living in that high and holy estate of marriage or serving God as one who is single, say with Joshua, “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” And see in every Christian marriage a picture of the Church’s joyful submission to Christ, and of Christ’s love for the church, yes, even for you. Amen.
— Pastor Seth Georgson